Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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