Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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