Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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