just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You ruined the universe
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
