I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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