its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
