So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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