ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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