I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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