every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
