ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
