I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Randomize
