its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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