I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
