my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
