My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
