reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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