Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
