That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
