I'm so fucking centered right now
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
