My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So many bounce houses so little time
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
