I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
