You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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