FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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