plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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