Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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