just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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