please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
