Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
