My Higher Power is John Stamos
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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