I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
