Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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