I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
