Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
