heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
