I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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