dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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