just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
