i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
