We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
