So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
