im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
