Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize