Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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