Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
