the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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