We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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