you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
