What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
