Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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