Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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