Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
