it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
