things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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