I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
