my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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