I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
