Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Randomize
