4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
